“Nothing can separate us from God’s love.” Romans 8:39
My sophomore year of college, I took a course entitled, “Marriage & Family.” One particular Tuesday morning the floor was open to discussion on Love vs. Need. An interesting premise I had never considered in terms of relationships. The main question was: Do you love me because you need me? Or Do you need me because you love me?
What seemed very obvious to me, did NOT seem obvious to many of my classmates. In my way of thinking, love that is pure –especially in a life-long partnership—would be the latter. I NEED AJ because my love for him is so deep. Sure he picks up groceries, cooks meals…and technically I need those things too. But that’s not why I love him. What if everything we owned was swept away in a hurricane and we were left clinging to each other? Yes, that would be an unimaginable horror, but I would still have what I need, because AJ is what I need, because of my love for him. The love is enough.
Let’s expand that premise down one generation to the Bug and the Pea. I will always love them. From the moment they were born, the instant each of them came into this world, my love was so deep I knew there was nothing they can do to separate themselves from my love. Right now, they love me deeply, I know that. They tell me they love me. But a lot of that love is tied up in the fact that they need me for survival. They need me to feed, clothe, and take care of them when they are sick. They need me to teach them how to be productive, God-fearing members of the human race. My goal as a parent: to raise them such that, eventually, they will NOT need me for survival. I will know my work is done once the Bug & the Pea reach a point where they need me solely because they love me.
Now, from my viewpoint, let’s expand that premise up one generation. Do I love my parents because I need them? Or Do I need my parents because I love them? Again, I’d announce the latter. My parents poured their very souls into the raising of me and my brother. We rested in the knowledge that there was nothing so horrible we could possibly do that would keep us from our parents’ unconditional love. We were (and still are) spoiled rotten with love while being taught essential lessons. As children, we needed our parents for survival. But we learned. How to read and write and ride a bike. How to fold clothes and shop for groceries and mow the lawn. How to change oil, and change a tire, and (sweet merciful heavens) how to drive a stick-shift station wagon. How to plant seeds and grow gardens and run a mile. How to be kind, and serve others¸ and give selflessly because that’s what God wants us to do. How to accept grace, and look to Jesus for guidance, no matter what.
With a family of my own, I still adore being with my parents. I call them weekly with questions about cooking or car maintenance, broken lawn mower frustrations and gardening woes. When visiting, I race alongside my kids to get “hello” hugs and a kiss. I love sitting down to one of Mom’s meals, I value Dad’s perspective on big (and small) decisions. I still need them very much. Not because of what they can do for me, or how often they can “watch” the girls, or for Christmas or birthday gifts. I need them because I love them.
Now let’s take that premise to a supernatural realm. Do I love Jesus because I need Him? Or Do I need Jesus because I love Him? Last night’s episode of Glee posed the question: Is God just a Santa Claus for Grown Ups? That really hit “home” for me. How often do I treat God as a Santa Claus who will deliver my Grown Up Wish List? The answer is: all the time. I’ve felt convicted lately of my unhealthy, inverse relationship with the Lord. The bottom line is: I am on earth to serve Him, and not the opposite. He is the Master of Me, I am not the one calling the shots. I am called to love Him because of who He is, not because of what He can do for me. And not only that, but God desires this love relationship to be so very deep that if everything else, EVERYTHING, was swept away…all would be well with my soul. I would still have the love.
And His love is enough.
In His very words: “My grace is sufficient for you.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Leigh, I needed this today! Thank you!
ReplyDeletethe line between when I stopped needing my parents and loving them just for love is very blurry for me at this point in my life. It was a little more clear after reading this post. I agree 100% about love to just love for your parents. I reflect on my relationship with my mother and how although we live and work together I speak to her on the phone AT LEAST two times a day. I think the roles have changed, I love that she needs me to confide in. We tell secrets and thoughts for the day, before I was old enough to do this I wonder who she needed or if someone else (besides me) needed her for that? Her mother perhaps. My father, I am still happy to accept his theories about my life, and finances, however I don't need that information anymore. Even if I do value what he says, I can now draw my own conclusions. As far as your thoughts about God and our need for Him, I ask,
'Is it not Him who needs us also?' Because it is through us and our lives that we lead that He can live. Through convictions and testimony to others God lives? I am totally on track with the Santa Clause metaphore, I do the same thing! Is it not amazing how dependent the need and love are when we think of God! It amazes me every day! I need him to give meaning to my life, and he needs me to live through! Thanks again I really enoyed this post!
~Katie Fane