Plans Vs. Faith

From 1 to 2, Wilbur planned to sleep. From 2 to 3, he planned to scratch itchy places by rubbing against the fence. From 3 to 4, he planned to stand perfectly still and think of what it was like to be alive, and to wait for Fern. At four would come supper. Wilbur had gone to sleep thinking about these plans. He awoke at six and saw the rain, and it seemed as though he couldn’t bear it. “I get everything all beautifully planned out and it has to go and rain,” he said. (Charlotte’s Web, E.B. White)I know you’ve been waiting with bated breath to hear more spiritual ramblings. I won’t keep you in suspense. Lately, I’ve been pondering PLANS. I’m quite skilled at making plans, ask me, I’ll tell ya. I have always had a plan for my life. ALWAYS. For as long as I can remember, I’ve known what needed to be done that particular day, week, month, year. And that’s not all, the far future was mapped out too. Let’s just say I could always knock ‘em dead at interviews during the dreaded, “Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?” questions. Why? Because I had the answer. I mean, I KNEW where I would be, it was all in my plan.
Certainly, I’ve always believed God has a master plan. I just figured I was lucky that MY PLAN matched so well with HIS plan for my life. In fact, how wonderful (extra crown jewel for me!) I was making things so easy on God! You know, already having everything mapped out in advance. Then He wouldn’t have to spend so much time orchestrating the events of my life. Because, HELLO, I’d already done such a nice job figuring out what ought to happen… God just needed to bless my plans!
I’m administratively gifted. (Read into this: obsessive, neurotic, anal.) I am the type of person who has lists of her lists, typed out on Excel spreadsheets, backed up on external hard-drives. It’s how I’m wired. I suppose, sub-consciously, if I write down things in a systematic manner, and keep my surroundings orderly, that some sense of control is maintained in the midst of the unknown. In my mind, plans = control.
Along with plans, I’ve been pondering FAITH. Why the two? The other day a thought hit me like a ton of bricks: faith is the polar opposite of plans. I have been so busy making plans that I’ve kicked faith completely out of the picture. Upon realization, I begged forgiveness for my arrogance and hypocrisy. Seriously, how much vanity does it take to tell God I’m not interested in His plans? To assure Him my plans will work just fine, ask for His blessing, and think no more about the matter. And to top it all off, I’m very good at acting as if I have it “all together” spiritually. I know a lot of the right answers, I’m sure it appears I rely solely on faith for guidance. But this hasn’t been the case. At all. And the sad part is that I have been blissfully unaware of my lack of faith.
(Now, let me digress a bit, don’t confuse plans and preparations. I’m envisioning a reader showing up to class, without having done a bit of homework, claiming, “But Leigh said I should have faith! That having my own plans was wrong. That my homework will magically appear complete and correct!” I believe God calls us to prepare, and always work as if for God and not for man.)
Anyhow, God and I are working on this whole living by faith gig. And the crazy part (well, not so crazy…) is that it’s a WHOLE lot easier than trying to work everything out for myself. My responsibility is to immerse myself in scripture, and in prayer, and then to WAIT (and oh, I’m so bad at waiting, I want everything done yesterday!) for Him to point me in the right direction. But, you know what? I’ve gotta tell you I’ve never been filled with such peace.
I will ponder more later….